When we think of Pride or LGBTQ+ conversations, we often consider those out and visible with their identities. Reality sets in when we consider many people are not out or are in different stages of their coming out journey. In the first in a series of perspectives from agricultural educators, we’ll hear from Dr. Tiffany Drape and Kendrick Spencer of Virginia Tech on their experiences with allyship and how that can impact those around us who have not yet come out or are still hiding their LGBTQ+ identities.
This article was originally published in The Agricultural Education Magazine by the National Association of Agricultural Educators.
An Ally In the Classroom
In June 2022, I was judging an LDE for the Virginia FFA Convention and happened to be wearing a pair of rainbow-decorated shoes that day. As students came in to compete, we’d introduce ourselves and get right to the task at hand.
Twice, students walked in, introduced themselves, and immediately shared their identities. Both identified as gay. Both shared that when they saw my shoes, they said they knew I was cool with who they were and immediately felt safe sharing that information.
One student shared that their parents were accepting, their family told them they loved them, and there had been no issues at home or school. The other had the opposite experience. One parent would not acknowledge them, one set of grandparents no longer thought they existed, and their home life was in shambles.
I shared with both students that I respected them for sharing their story with me. I asked the student who was being rejected if there was any immediate support we needed to find them, if they were in harm’s way, or if they had trusted people they could go to in the event something bad happened.
Allyship for Those Hidden
When we speak of allyship, we’re talking about actively supporting the rights of marginalized groups. We remain open to celebrations of acceptance and for students who may have life-altering consequences by stating their identities out loud.
We’re saying that we’re ready emotionally and mentally to support our students in all of their identities, and we’ll work to support them as best we can. We also acknowledge that our education of their identity may be inadequate, and we may say or do the wrong thing, but we’re also capable of improving ourselves in tandem. It is a both/and situation.
When people have conversations about allyship and how to be supportive as an ally, they think about individuals who are already out and open about their sexual identities. People often think of those who are visibly out or have made the decision personally or professionally to let people in.
However, approximately 83% of the population who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual keep their identities hidden (Poitras, 2019). Many people could stay in the closet due to fear of being excluded and not accepted by their families (Reczek et al., 2023), job discrimination, or exclusion from their home communities.
Regardless of why someone may stay closeted about their identities, the very act of staying hidden has been shown to lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and greater exposure to infectious diseases (Poitras, 2019). Staying hidden has a monumental impact on a person’s overall well-being and their personal relationships. However, those who care and love closeted individuals can still practice allyship.
Tips on Practicing Allyship for Everyone
First, stop looking for cues. As allies, we must stop looking for signs that someone may be a sexual minority. This “search” creates a sense of unneeded anxiety among people who feel they constantly cover up or stop certain actions. Our goal as allies should be to create spaces where people can feel free to be themselves.
Secondly, we must encourage people to be completely authentic. This could be as simple as playing music they enjoy, sharing popular culture references, or as complex as asking them to express how they truly feel about something.
We must be authentic in representing who we are, but we also have to be open to however someone else chooses to express themselves. Sometimes, authenticity means listening to a person and asking them to express their feelings and thoughts.
Next, we have to celebrate people. This goes for everyone. We have to celebrate wins, learning experiences, and progress. Everyone thrives when we create an open, positive, supportive, and encouraging space. For people in the closet, we must work to amplify the joy and positivity that the person experiences.
Lastly, we must give space and time. We must understand that coming out of the closet is a personal journey that is mentally and emotionally hard for a lot of people.
Supporting Those Not Ready to Come Out
As mentioned earlier, over 83% of the sexual minority population is still not out due to factors such as safety, resource availability, support, or fear of discrimination.
Coming out involves multiple conversations and interactions with a wide variety of people, including family, friends, coworkers, supervisors, and other people.
Each conversation can vary in difficulty and may require the person to educate others in order to combat stereotypes, religious or cultural persecution, or other forms of discrimination. As a person chooses to come out, they may face multiple stages of fear, regret, sadness, loneliness, or worse.
We must understand that coming out is not easy, and we cannot force someone out of the closet. Similarly, other LGBTQ+ people cannot force or demand that a person come out. The coming out process is a personal choice. All we can do as allies is provide people with support, time, and space. We must also work to be as supportive as possible when a person goes through the coming out process.
We, as allies, have a strong obligation to serve those who are out and proud but also to hold space for those who are still hidden. As educators, we have a front-row seat to students’ identity development. Our actions and words signal to our students whether they are safe to be themselves.
We can actively work to make sure every student feels safe in our classrooms and our spaces. We can do that by not looking for cues, encouraging people to be authentic, celebrating everyone around us and giving people space and time to make their own decisions.
If you are in the closet, please know that when you are ready, there are people who will love and celebrate you as you are.
As a reader, you may be the first person someone decides to come out to, and when they do, you have to express a warm and welcoming attitude. Acknowledge that coming out is a hard process and that you are thankful for the person’s trust in you.
This article was originally published in The Agricultural Education Magazine by the National Association of Agricultural Educators.
Resources for further reading
Poitras, C. (2019). The ‘Global Closet’ is Huge—Vast Majority of World’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Population Hide Orientation, YSPH Study Finds. https://medicine.yale. edu/news-article/the-global-closet-is-hugevast-majority-of-worlds-lesbian-gay-bisexual-population-hide-orientation-ysph-study-finds/
Reczek, R., Stacey, L., & Thomeer, M. B. (2023). Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 85(2), 494–517. https://doi. org/10.1111/jomf.12898
About the Authors
Dr. Tiffany Drape is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Agricultural, Leadership, and Community Education. Tiffany investigates issues of equity and access in agriculture and the life sciences. Her goal is to provide equitable, accessible agriculture education to ALL. Tiffany is an evaluator and teaches multiple research methods courses.
Kendrick Spencer is a doctoral student in the Department of Agricultural, Leadership and Community Education at Virginia Tech. Kendrick served as an agricultural science teacher in the suburbs of Dallas and focused on creating a safe, caring, and supportive environment for all students. Kendrick investigates how Culturally Relevant and Critical Pedagogies help to increase student involvement and creates an equitable and accessible classroom environment.
Source: Source: Drape, Tiffany and Spencer, Kendrick. (2024, January/February). Hidden Allyship: How Do We Help Those Who Do Not Feel Comfortable or Safe Being Out? The Agricultural Education Magazine, 96(4), 38-39
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