In agriculture and rural communities, conversations around diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) often stir up pushback. If you read my recent post on why I believe diversity and belonging make agriculture stronger, you’ll know this is a conversation that will take some time and not everyone sees it the same way.
I’ve heard the pushback on DEI in agriculture online, in side conversations at conferences, and even around the dinner table. Sometimes it’s frustration. Other times it’s outright denial that these issues matter in agriculture at all.
When I hear things like, “We treat everyone the same,” or “This is just political nonsense,” my first instinct is one of two things: to argue or to retreat. Both come from a place of frustration.
It’s especially hard when the person saying it doesn’t realize how their words can cut deep; like when someone calls being gay a “lifestyle” or says, “I don’t care what they do, but they should keep it private.” They may not mean to be hurtful, but their words still reinforce a message that people like me and others who are different from the status quo don’t fully belong.
While pushback is natural, it doesn’t have to derail progress.
I’ve learned that when I can find the courage, responding with confidence and respect is more effective than trying to win an argument. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes even correcting someone when they ask about my wife or girlfriend can feel intimidating. It takes energy and an emotional toll to challenge comments.
These moments aren’t always safe or comfortable to navigate, and I don’t always get it right. I try to remind myself that it’s more productive to respond in a way that builds connection instead of shutting it down. Sometimes people genuinely don’t understand. Other times, they simply don’t want to. I can’t control their reaction, but I can be intentional with mine.
So here’s where I lean on my experiences over the past 15 years engaged in consumer advocacy on agriculture topics to gain insights on how we approach these conversations. Not just as someone who advocates for inclusion, but as someone who cares deeply about the future of agriculture and is still working every day to respond with both strength and humility.
Learn to Pause, Not Pounce
It’s easy to feel defensive when someone dismisses something you care about. But pausing, even just for a few seconds, can help us respond more thoughtfully. We don’t always get it right, but the pause gives me space to choose how we want to show up in that moment.
Ask youself: Is this person open to conversation? Is this a teachable moment? Or is my energy better spent elsewhere?
Not every comment deserves a deep response. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is plant a seed, not dig the whole field.
Try to Ground the Conversation in Shared Values
In agriculture, we value hard work, fairness, and looking out for each other. So instead of leading with the term “DEI,” you might say:
- “To me, it’s about making sure everyone has a fair shot.”
- “I just want ag to be a place where people can show up and do their best work.”
When we can connect to shared values, it feels less like a debate and more like a conversation. We’re not asking someone to agree with a buzzword. We’re inviting them to think about what fairness and community really mean in practice.
Ask Questions to Invite Reflection
One of the tools to lean on more is asking thoughtful questions not to prove a point, but to plant a seed. Sometimes people just need to be heard before they can consider another point of view. So, try to ask questions like:
- “What makes you feel that way?”
- “Have you ever seen someone get left out or treated unfairly on the job?”
- “Do you think there are ways we could make things better for the next generation in our community?”
Even if you don’t get a direct answer, these questions open the door for reflection later.
Use Examples Instead of Labels
Talking about inclusion doesn’t have to mean using acronyms or academic language. Talk about real-life things:
- A young parent who needs time off to care for a newborn.
- A Spanish-speaking worker who benefits from translated safety materials.
- A person who’s never felt safe to speak up until someone made room for their voice.
It doesn’t always work—but when people hear familiar situations instead of unfamiliar terms, they’re often more open to the conversation.
Learn to Accept That Not Everyone Will Agree
This one is hard. I still find myself wishing people would come around. But I’ve had to learn that we can’t change everyone’s mind. What we can do is choose how we respond and trust that sometimes, just showing up calmly and clearly is enough to leave a mark. But realize that some folks will always resist, no matter how respectful or clear we try to be.
In those cases, shift your goal. Instead of changing their mind, try to:
- Plant a seed they might reflect on later.
- Help others in the room hear a different perspective.
- Stay calm and clear, so you model the kind of conversation you hope to see more of.
Stop expecting immediate agreement. Focus on moving the conversation forward.
Learn When to Walk Away
There are times when continuing a conversation only leads to harm, either for yourself or others involved. I’ve come to understand that choosing to walk away doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means I’m choosing to conserve my energy for moments that matter more, and for people who are open to growth.
Protecting your peace doesn’t mean giving up. It means saving your energy for conversations that have the potential to grow into something meaningful.
A Few Phrases to Keep in Your Back Pocket
Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say in the moment, especially when emotions are high or when we’re taken off guard. The pressure to respond perfectly can be paralyzing. It can be helpful to have a few go-to phrases that help center the conversation in honesty and care, without putting someone on the defensive.
These aren’t scripts, and they may not work in every situation. But when I’ve used them (or heard others use them), they’ve helped shift the tone of the conversation just enough to keep it going—or at least to let someone know where we stand:
- “That might not be how you meant it, but here’s how that lands with me.” – A respectful way to flag harm while keeping the door open.
- “I think we all want agriculture to be a place where people can be themselves and still do good work.” – This centers shared values instead of picking a side.
- “Can I share how I see it from my own experience?” – Invites dialogue, not debate and shifts the focus to story, not statistics.
You don’t have to confront someone head-on every time. Sometimes these small, steady responses can plant the seeds for a more understanding conversation later on.
My Challenge to You
If you care about building a more inclusive, resilient agriculture community, I hope you’ll keep speaking up even when it’s hard. Not every conversation will go well. But every time you show up with honesty and empathy, you help create space for something better.
Think of advocacy like farming and ranching. It takes time, care, and often, you don’t see the results right away. The next time someone pushes back:
- Take a breath.
- Listen fully, even if you disagree.
- Ask a question that opens a door instead of closing it.
- Share a story from your own experience instead of a statistic.
Sometimes listening isn’t about agreeing. It’s about understanding where someone’s coming from so we can respond with more insight in the future.
I’ve come to see these moments not as wins or losses, but as part of a long game of building trust and showing up. Even when someone isn’t ready to hear it today, what you say might take root later.
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