Finding Common Ground When Conversations Get Hard
It feels like every election season deepens the divides in this country. You can’t go far without hearing someone talk about “us” and “them.” Yet this past election cycle, I noticed a few glimmers of hope where people seemed to step away from the loudest, most hateful voices and toward something closer to the middle.
I’m not ready to call it a sure thing, though. Talking across lines at times still feels like we’re risking an argument. Especially in rural communities, where everyone knows everyone, and words travel fast, conversations about inclusion or identity can feel intimidating. Not because people don’t care, but because they worry about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood.
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Still, if we care about the future of our communities, we can’t avoid these conversations forever. Belonging is something we have to work at. It doesn’t just happen by chance.
Here are a few tips I’ve picked up along the way to help us better approach conversations about DEI without starting a fight.
Start with curiosity, not correction.
Most of us want to be heard before we’re told we’re wrong. That’s true whether we’re talking about politics, parenting, or how people live their lives. When someone says something that makes you pause, try asking a question before offering a correction.
A simple “Tell me more about what makes you feel that way” opens a door that defensiveness would close. Curiosity doesn’t mean you agree; it means you’re willing to understand.
Listen like you mean it.
Active listening isn’t just waiting for your turn to speak. It’s showing someone you value what they’re saying enough to give them your full attention. You don’t have to nod along with everything, but reflecting back what you’ve heard (“It sounds like you’re saying…”) can help people feel seen.
When we feel heard, we’re more likely to stay in the conversation, and that’s where change starts.
Speak from your own experience.
You don’t have to have all the right words. You don’t need a perfect script. Just speak for yourself.
“I’ve felt left out before.”
“I’ve seen how words can land differently than we mean them.”
“I’m trying to learn how to do better.”
“I” statements keep the focus on what you know and feel, instead of assuming what someone else thinks. They can turn a tense moment into a real exchange.
Find the common ground that already exists.
Even when we disagree, most of us want similar things: a safe place to raise our families, good neighbors, strong schools, and fair opportunities.
Belonging doesn’t erase difference; it grows in the space between them. The same values that build good farms and ranches are the ones that make our communities stronger when we practice inclusion.
Be patient enough to try again.
None of us get these conversations right every time. Sometimes we freeze, or say the wrong thing, or walk away wishing we’d handled it differently. That’s okay. What matters is that we keep trying. And don’t feel like you have to stay in a conversation if you feel you are being attacked. It’s ok to walk away.
Progress in rural life rarely happens overnight. It takes patience to see growth. The same is true for belonging.
Every good change in agriculture, and in life, starts with a conversation. Not a debate. Not a shouting match. Just a quiet courage to listen, speak, and care enough to stay engaged.
We might not fix every divide in the country, but we can make our own corner of it a little better.
Question for you: What’s one conversation that helped you see your community in a new way?
Join the conversation