Today, I have the privilege of sharing the story of an anonymous member of the LGBTQIA+ community within agriculture. Their journey, though anonymous, sheds light on the asexual identities in our agriculture communities.
Anonymous stories are incredibly important to share because not everyone feels comfortable or in a position to share more about their story in our agriculture and rural communities. This can be due to the derogatory comments and conversations we hear from others or in fear of negative social or professional implications of coming out.
One of the big reasons I chose to share this series of stories is to highlight that fact and encourage conversations so that one day, we may not need to hide part of who we are or be discouraged by the potential repercussions of being our authentic selves in front of colleagues and peers.
How are you involved in the agriculture community?
I grew up on a dairy farm and enjoyed participating in 4-H, showing cattle, and promoting dairy. So, agriculture has always been in my blood.
My family and friends further encouraged my passion for agriculture. I earned a degree in animal science and am currently pursuing graduate education with plans to join the dairy industry.
Why are you proud to be part of the agriculture community?
Agriculture has always been an anchor in my life and a strong part of my identity. Growing up on a farm shaped me into a lifelong learner, and agriculture continues to fuel my curiosity. I learned firsthand about hard work, ingenuity, responsibility, and respect for other people, animals, and mother nature.
I am proud to be a part of a community with such strong values and foundations.
How have you felt or seen support for LGBTQIA+ in the agriculture community?
I shared an anonymous secret with an agriculture advocate about my fear of coming out as asexual/ace. I’m still working through my terror of what could happen if I stopped hiding who I am, but I don’t want to be ruled by fear.
It made me feel empowered to share something so close to my heart. Seeing the outpouring of support from others in agriculture was heartwarming. I can’t even begin to put into words the feelings of pure relief and bliss just being told that I’m accepted as I am and welcome in the agriculture community.
What advice do you have for LGBTQIA+ members of the agriculture community?
I spent a long time feeling broken, afraid, and alone. I thought I was weird for not experiencing sexual attraction. It was only by chance I found the word, asexual, for how I’ve always felt and a community of people who feel the same.
Love and sexuality are not necessarily the same thing or even line up for everyone. You can have one without the other, and some people experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction and are fulfilled by other kinds of love, like family and friends.
I want you to know that you’re not alone or broken. The hardest person to come out to is yourself. I’ve spent so much time being scared that I haven’t been true to myself. I’m still on this journey of being more authentically me. Being in a more urban area and meeting new people helps.
Agriculture is changing, but we need to be part of the change, if only in small ways. You don’t have to come out until you’re ready. Even quietly and anonymously supporting people helps.
Eventually, I hope this means we can all feel safe to be ourselves. There is more than one way to be involved in agriculture, and that’s beautiful.
What can people in the agriculture community do to be strong allies of LGBTQIA+ people?
Agriculture has made a lot of progress in inclusiveness, but there’s still a long way to go toward accepting those who don’t check the traditional boxes.
When large agriculture organizations show support for LGBTQIA+ people, it sends a message of acceptance that helps create a chain reaction.
People who are brave enough to say, “I accept you,” matter. I promise we’re watching. You never know who needs a grain of support.
It’s also important to remember that there’s more than just the L, G, B, and T. Other queer identities in the + also matter. I’ve seen some representation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and even one or two trans people in agriculture. I’ve never even heard of another asexual (ace) person in agriculture.
They’re out there, but maybe they still think they’re broken because they never had any ace representation. Even in LGBTQ+ spaces, I don’t always feel I belong as an ace person. A somewhat common acronym for the community, LGBTQIA, often mistakenly lists the A as an ally rather than asexual (or romantic).
A little knowledge and openness to learning about other identities can help someone feel less alone and erased.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with the Pride in Agriculture readers?
I’m still in the early part of my journey. Most of the few people I’ve come out to so far have been supportive and respectful. I’m taking it at my pace, but eventually, I want to be more open about who I am.
I don’t want to live in fear, and I want to be the person I needed for others. I could have avoided so much frustration and pain if I knew asexuality was a thing.
I hope sharing my experiences, even anonymously, can help make a difference.
For those who don’t relate to my experiences, please try to keep an open mind. Just because something is outside your experiences doesn’t make it any less valid.
For those who can relate, know that there are many people out there who understand and support you.
Understanding Asexual Identities
At times, we may encounter terminology that is new to us when discussing sexual orientation or gender identities. It’s ok to recognize we may misspeak or may not be fully aware of what these terms mean.
To help us understand a few terms related to asexual identities, here are some definitions to support our learning.
Asexual – “ace” for short, refers to a complete or partial lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sexual activity with others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and asexual people may experience no, little or conditional sexual attraction. (Human Rights Campaign)
Demisexual – People who only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person. (Trevor Project)
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